give a klutz a knife

Date: Wed, 3 May 2000
From: "Ceels"
Subject: give a klutz a knife

Things I Have Learned About Being A Chef.

1. If you scrub 25 dozen oysters you will shred your hands unless you wear latex gloves

2. If you did not wear gloves, do not accidentally tip vinegar on your hands

3. If you did not wear gloves the oysters will seek their own revenge with salt water when you come to shuck them.

3a. If you do not wear an apron and forget to take a change of clothes to work, after scrubbing and shucking oysters no one will sit near you on the tram.

4. It is possible to cut your fingers on bread.

5. If you cut your fingers, do not get chilli juice on them (ever). NB. If you get chilli juice on your fingers do not rub your eyes

6. If onions make your eyes water, do not try to keep cutting while you cannot see. Chances are you will slip and cut a chunk out of your finger.

7. Do not ever say 'Yes, but' to the head chef.

7a. Do not ever say anything but 'Yes chef' to the head chef.

8. Always keep track of the rubber bands.

9. If you are asked to drain the vegetable stock, do not accidentally pour the stock down the sink.

10. If you intend to move about the kitchen, announce your presence in a loud clear voice

11. If more than one person tells you what to do, follow the advice/ instructions of the most senior.

12. Never ever cry.