the cows burp every two or three minutes, each cow producing up to 200 litres of methane gas

Date: Wed, 30 May 2001
From: Ceels
Subject: the cows burp every two or three minutes, each cow producing up to 200 litres of methane gas

Well the Coke and Snickers diet is working and I have started putting on some weight. Actually it may even be working a little too well, but that doesn't matter. According to Melinda, Chinese men are attracted to big bottoms. They also like pale skin, but they don't fancy stubbornness or independence. Apparently Melinda wishes she looked more like me (mainly because of my bottom), which is funny because I’ve always wished I looked more like her (kinda petite and graceful).

I asked her the other day about her childhood and she seemed kinda reluctant to tell me. She was astonished to discover that there was no MacDonald’s or KFC where I grew up and that we only had two television channels, too. Actually, my most bestest memories have nothing to do with the telly but with playing games, like four run away kids and a dog, cops and robbers, secret valley. Or playing in the sheep shed or haystack or the old cypresses, or riding a sheep or catching frogspawn or collecting mushrooms. I used to nearly believe that there were fairies and elves and that my teddy had feelings and came alive at night time. I sometimes wish that there was someone I could play ‘just pretend’ with. It is easier to believe in magic stuff in china. That the hills are sleeping dragons, that the seedpods from the stuff (that I thought was marijuana but isn't) are little itty bitty fairies on the wind (of course then it rained and they were little itty bitty flat fairies on the ground).

I did an exercise with junior two last week where they had to think about ways they could help look after the environment. Unfortunately I combined it with an article about cows in Australia contributing to the green house effect because they burp up so much methane. So there were loads of answers like 'Kill ten million of the cows' 'Eat the cows' 'Change the diet of the cows so they don't burp'. I also mistranslated burp into Chinese as hiccough. 'Scare the cows' 'Cut off the cows’ tails, the pain will stop them hiccoughing', 'Play the cows eminem music to scare them'.