Wednesday, 29 July 2009

this email is yukky - you have been warned

Date: Mon, 26 Feb 2001
From: Ceels
Subject: this email is yukky - you have been warned

I have something to say, and it regards food.

I will not eat the head or feet of any animal. I will not eat the digestive system of any animal. I will not eat anything that has fallen on the floor (this used not to be the case, but in china there are two factors that have strongly influenced my change of opinion. I used to believe that if you dropped a biscuit on the floor you could brush it off and eat it. in china people spit on the ground, and children use the ground as a toilet.

To expand:
- the spitting involves large amounts of phlegm (also known as snot) and sounds like this: hhhkkkarrrgg-phut. Or you can use the nostril technique, where one nostril is blocked and the snot expelled from the other nostril with force. It sounds like this: phirrrnt. If not enough force is exerted the result is a large goober (phlegm gob, booger) left hanging.
- most children don't wear nappies (enter split-pants syndrome) there is a long split in the crutch of their pants and when they need to go, they squat. Where nature calls, there nature is deposited.

I will not eat anything I recognise from lunch the day before (a hang-over from the boarding house). I will not eat melon that has been cooked (it's unnatural).
If I think of anything else, I will let you know

And remember, kids, you can poo in the streets but not in the train stations.


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